


summer (best time to fall)

by princelogical



Series: Sanders Sides Misc. Work [34]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, Gun Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Humor, Trauma, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-03 23:37:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15829263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princelogical/pseuds/princelogical
Summary: Logan’s running record is three months and two weeks without saying a word. It’s starting to get on Virgil Sanders’ nerves because he remembers, wedged up with his ex-boyfriend, trading secrets at the crack of dawn, that Logan can talk and Logan can talk a lot. Something’s just happened between the start of summer and the beginning of senior year that’s shut him up. And Virgil’s gonna do all he can to figure out what that is.Or.The one where Logan’s too scared to speak anymore because he’s afraid of spilling a big secret, Virgil’s a concerned friend, Thomas has his first boyfriend, and Patton and Roman are just in for the ride.





	summer (best time to fall)

"He's still not talking?"

 

Virgil looks up as Roman slides in the seat across from him and begins hungrily wolfing down his stuffed-crust cheese pizza. Virgil glances away from Logan across the lunchroom to his friend, passionately attacking his lunch in front of him. With a sad sigh and a slight shake of his head, Virgil reaches across the table and snatches Roman's pudding cup from his lunch tray. He opens it and begins spooning it back into his mouth, angrily swallowing it down as he glares at Logan.

 

Roman's eyes follow where Virgil's are directed and sighs himself. "He looks so pathetic," Roman says through a mouthful of pizza. It comes out more like "Eee fooks so pashetic."

 

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Virgil grumbles, ignoring the pudding currently in his mouth, too intent upon watching Logan slowly tap his pizza with his fork to truly care much for what Roman’s doing.

 

"You should just go talk to him," Roman says, swallowing his mouthful. "He looks like he could use a friend."

 

"I'm his ex-boyfriend," Virgil grumbles. "I doubt he wants anything to do with me."

 

Roman sighs dramatically. "Tragic."

 

Virgil rolls his eyes and directs his attention over to the lunch line where he spots Patton who rushes over to the table with a big grin on his face. He drops his lunch tray down onto the table and slides in to sit next to Roman.

 

"Heya, Virge. Ro."

 

Roman grins in response and Virgil just gives a casual salute, already looking back over at Logan. He's sipping from his water bottle now and reaching in his backpack. He's pulling out a textbook. Sets it on the table. He's sliding his lunch over to another student who grins gratefully. Logan doesn't acknowledge this, just opens his textbook and begins focusing in on it.

 

"You look kinda like a creepy and broody stalker," Roman says through another mouthful of pizza.

 

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Patton chides then looks to Virgil with a mischievous grin. "But it really isn't nice to stare, kiddo."

 

"I know," he grumbles. "I wish someone'd call him out on his shit."

 

"Call who out?" Patton asks with a frown. Roman makes a loose gesture to Logan and Patton's eyebrows disappear into his hairline and he nods. "He's still not talking then?"

 

"Apparently not." Virgil stabs his green beans with a certain vengeance he can't place. "He was always the chatterbox. I don't know why he's chosen now to shut up."

 

"Maybe he's still hung up on you," Roman says.

 

Virgil sends Roman a glare that has Roman wincing backward. "There's nothing about me to get hung up on. Besides. Logan was still talking after we broke up."

 

"Yeah, but… maybe he's sad and lonely," Patton muses.

 

"If you two are so concerned, why don't you go talk to him?" Virgil snaps.

 

"Logan hates my guts," Roman says. "You know this."

 

"No, he doesn't," Patton says. "He was just upset that you got top of class and he didn't last year."

 

"He hates me."

 

"He didn't hate you for it," Virgil mumbles, almost to himself. "He hated _himself_ for that."

 

Patton's eyebrows knit together worriedly. "Poor kiddo."

 

"Why don't you talk to him, Padre?" Roman asks. "You're good at cheering people up."

 

"Oh… oh, well, all right. I just didn't think it'd be a good idea. After all, he knows I'm Virgil's best friend. He might think I hate him."

 

"You don't hate anyone, Pat," Virgil says with a gentle smile. "If you're uncomfortable trying, I get it but-"

 

Patton nods determinedly. "Okay.

 

Patton rises, snatching up his own pudding cup, and Virgil's eyes follow him as he makes his way across the lunchroom to where Logan sits, hunched over his book. Patton sits down and with a bright smile, begins cheerfully saying words to Logan that Virgil almost wishes he could hear. Logan looks up, blinking, eyes lidded in suspicion and confusion. Then Patton is extending out his hand to offer the pudding cup and Logan flinches.

 

That sends a painful lurch through Virgil's heart.

 

Next thing he knows, Logan is hesitantly accepting the pudding cup with his hands, lips still firmly pressed together. Patton says something else with a cheerful smile. Then he fishes around in his pocket and pulls out a packaged spork, which he also hands out to Logan. This time around, Logan doesn't flinch, just accepts the spork with a nod. Patton grins once again, raises his hand in a wave, and marches off.

 

When he reaches back to his table, his smile drops.

 

"What did he say?" Roman asks anxiously. Virgil focuses on Patton, almost rolling his eyes at Roman's choice of words, but grits his teeth and ignores it.

 

"Nothing," Patton says sadly. "I offered him my pudding and told him he's always welcome to sit with us. And that he can always talk to me if he needs anything."

 

Roman sighs dramatically. "Poor dude. I almost wanna hug him."

 

Virgil agrees silently as he looks back at Logan who holds the pudding cup against his chest, shoulders tight, and bottom lip gripped in-between his teeth. His eyes glisten and slowly, he opens the pudding cup and starts slowly spooning it into his mouth. Virgil watches, silently filing every movement away. He almost stands up, rises against his fears, and marches across the lunchroom to confront Logan.

 

Instead, Logan looks up and they make eye contact for .4 seconds and Virgil is immediately looking away, listening to Roman ramble about his play.

 

\---

 

_"Do you enjoy astronomy?" Logan asks, stopping Virgil randomly one day in the halls as Virgil makes his way to homeroom. His eyes are bright and full of such vivid life that Virgil wonders how the hell someone could call him a robot when he's this lifelike. This vivid. This happy and alive._

 

_Virgil smirks. "Not particularly. But I like space. The science is a bit above me."_

 

_Logan frowns. "I am sure it is not. You are very intelligent."_

 

_Virgil's heart buzzes and his belly flops. "No I'm not."_

 

_"Yes, you are. You were in my psychology class last year. You were fascinating."_

 

_"I'm sure I wasn't," Virgil says with a blush heating his cheeks. "I'm boring."_

 

_Logan opens his mouth as if wanting to say something but then he closes it, fiddling with his textbooks. "I merely asked about your interest in astronomy because I wanted to request your assistance with my poetry project in the class."_

 

_"My help?" Virgil fumbles out. "Dude, you don't need anyone's help in anything- you're like a genius."_

 

_Logan adjusts his glasses, his face turning a light pink that makes Virgil's smile grow. "Your uhm- your poems are very- uhm. Good. And I thought- you could help me. Write mine. About the stars."_

 

_"You have Mr. Henway, don't you?" Virgil asks. "He loves to assign that assignment."_

 

_"I do," Logan says. He fidgets a little more, then looks back up. "How about it? Would you be willing to assist me?"_

 

_"Sure," Virgil says. "When?"_

 

_"Friday? Perhaps at my place. I can have my mom pick us up from school."_

 

_"I'll check with my mom. But that should be fine."_

 

\---

 

Virgil pulls into the driveway after school with a long sigh, head throbbing. He wishes he could collapse onto his bed and fall asleep but, alas, he promised Roman he'd be over. He grabs his backpack from the passenger seat and heads toward the house, grabbing the mail along the way.

 

Inside, he's greeted with the smell of something burning. He drops the mail and his backpack in the foyer and darts across the house to the kitchen, ignoring his cat, Crofter's, little meow for attention. In the kitchen, his little brother Thomas stands shakily, eyes blown wide, next to a pan that's on fire as another boy that Virgil can’t recognize stands, eyes wide as well. Both do nothing.

 

Virgil rushes across the room, grabs the pan, turns the sink on, and extinguishes the fire under the water with a deep sigh. After a few moments, he drops the pan and turns to his brother with a glare.

 

"What the hell are you doing, running the stove while mom's gone?"

 

The boy decides to speak up in place of Thomas. "He's sixteen, girl, chill. He can operate a stove."

 

"Apparently," Virgil snarls, "he can't. Who are you anyway, you little snot-nosed-" Thomas' eyes are wide, tears glistening, and Virgil's temper evaporates. He rakes a hand over his face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been mean like that. What's your name?"

 

"I'm Remy," the boy says just as Thomas mumbles out, "He's Remy."

 

"Friend?" Virgil asks Thomas. Thomas avoids his gaze.

 

Remy, once again, answers for him. "He's my boyfriend."

 

Virgil raises his eyebrows. Thomas is still determinedly avoiding his eyes. "Okay then. You little shits better not make any more messes because I'm heading to Roman's. Got it? And no more running the fucking stove."

 

Thomas nods. Remy just watches him with sly eyes and pursed lips that barely muffle a smirk. Virgil turns around and swears he catches the faintest glint in the window of Remy raising his middle finger to him as Thomas giggles. Virgil ignores it and goes upstairs to drop off his backpack and grab his computer bag. Then, he heads out the door, back to his car.

 

He resolves to talk to Thomas later as he speeds off, trying to ignore the images in his head of the house burning down while he's gone.

 

\---

 

_"We're so gonna get busted," Virgil whispers quietly, "and Mr. Henway's gonna kick our asses."_

 

_Logan smiles. "I have permission to use the telescopes from Mr. Henway, Virgil. How do you think I am going to get in trouble?"_

 

_"He never said anything about using them without his supervision." Logan closes his hand around Virgil's and smiles something reassuring. He opens the door to the rooftop and Virgil is met with the light autumn chill._

 

_"Woah," Virgil whispers quietly. It's a little dizzying, he thinks, not to be on the rooftops at night, but on the rooftops at night with a certain Logan Foster who's currently gazing at him like he's hung the moon and stars himself._

 

_"All right, Virgil?" Logan asks._

 

_"Mhm," Virgil says. He leans closer to Logan and closes his eye, breathing in the atmosphere. This, he thinks, is what the epitome of teenagerism is. Doing something rebellious and out of his comfort zone in the name of love._

 

_He's going to puke he's so anxious. But he feels fuzzy and nice at the same time._

 

_Logan's rambling something about the constellations and the physics of the stars. And then he's showing something to Virgil in the telescope, pointing out something that Virgil doesn't know the name of. Then they're kissing and Logan's fists and are tightly wound in Virgil's hoodie and Virgil's hands are slipped in the back pockets of Logan's pants. And they're smiling at each other, under the stars, in the chill of the night, and Virgil's in love. Lovelovelove. Puppy love, teenage love- something not quite innocent but not really corrupt either. Something lightly combed with nerves and hormones and inexperience._

 

_But love, all the same._

 

\---

 

When he pulls into Roman's driveway, he's immediately greeted with the front door banging open and his friend running out with three dogs on leashes, which Roman grips tightly in both hands. He grins at Virgil from the porch and waves excitedly. Which obviously gives two of the dogs an opportunity to break free and come bounding into Virgil's open car door and droll all over his seats. One even eats his bag of Cheetos he'd forgotten about under the driver's seat.

 

By the time everyone's all gathered up and the dogs are safely back inside and Roman and Virgil are tucked away in Roman's room, it's past 6:00 pm. Virgil lays against Roman's pillows, eyes heavy from his day. Roman sketches from his desk and when his dad peeks in to check on them, Roman pretends they're busy finishing their homework.

 

Virgil hadn't even thought to bring it.

 

"I should talk to him," Virgil mumbles.

 

"Hm?" Roman asks quietly.

 

"Logan. I should man up and talk to him. It's not like him to just… go invisible like that."

 

"Maybe something happened over the summer," Roman says.

 

"Like what?"

 

"…Something bad, maybe."

 

Virgil sighs and covers his face with Roman's pillow. "He's not my friend anymore," he says. "We might not have ended things ugly but it’d still be weird to be friends with your ex."

 

"I know," Roman says.

 

"But maybe I should put that aside for now. Be the bigger person. Something's wrong and I know it's not my responsibility to be there for him but I should be." Silence. "You think?"

 

Roman sighs. "Something definitely feels wrong."

 

Virgil groans. "I don't like seeing him looking like some broken… hurt… puppy all the time."

 

"Me either," Roman admits.

 

Then they're quiet and quiet for a long time. Virgil finds himself falling asleep and doesn't come to his senses until Roman's throwing a blanket over him and affectionately patting his head.

 

"My poor sleep deprived friend," Roman croons.

 

Virgil falls asleep and dreams he's in the lunchroom. Logan's eating the pudding cup Patton gave him and he meets Virgil's eyes. He stops. His eyes are rimmed with red and there's blood beginning to slip from his eyes and slap against the floor. The lunchroom is flooding. Logan begins gasping as the blood reaches his nose. Virgil tries to move. Tries to run. He's rooted to the spot.

 

Logan breaks the surface and meets Virgil’s eyes. His eyes are full of pure, unfiltered panic. "Help!" he screams. Virgil jerks, desperate to help. He remains powerless as Logan grows more frantic. "Help!"

 

Virgil wakes up on Roman's floor and tries to calm his breathing before his alarm goes off.

 

\---

 

_Virgil's long memorized the different ways in which Logan shows love. Logan shows love in actions. In subtle actions. Like opening the door for Virgil, grasping his hand at lunch and through the halls, dancing with him at homecoming, and kissing him by the telescopes under the stars._

 

_Logan shows love in his demeanor- soft and encouraging. He glows with some unseen energy that says, "Logan Foster is in love."_

 

_Most of all, Logan shows his love in words. In rambles. In long lengthy essays about how fascinating such-and-such is. It makes sense. Logan loves to talk. It's only natural he'd love to talk about what he loves._

 

_When Virgil Sanders broke up with Logan Foster, Logan didn't shut up. He still glowed passion towards the end of junior year in astronomy classes and in poetry and literature. He still smiled at Virgil's friends in the hallway and hesitantly nodded at Virgil when they'd run into each other in the library. Even after their nasty fight in Virgil's room, bordering on midnight, tears in their eyes._

 

_Sometime that summer, rumour has it, something finally shut Logan Foster up. And no one knows what the hell it was._

 

\---

 

It's lunchtime and usually, Virgil would be making his way to the safety of his friends right about now but he doesn't dare because once he sits down there, he'll never get up again. So he makes his way through the sea of people and finally arrives at Logan's table where he sits, lips sealed and neck hunched over his book.

 

Virgil hasn't seen Logan this close in so long. His eyes are heady-lidded and dark with circles spreading underneath. He's scrawnier than usual and hair a little thinner. His knuckles are scabbed over with bite marks that make Virgil's throat clench. His jaw is clenched so tight that the muscle there looks about to snap.

 

Virgil swallows and finally speaks up, "Hey, Logan."

 

Logan looks up and his eyes widen. He swallows and his hands nervously scratch at his textbook. Finally, he closes it and looks expectantly at Virgil.

 

"So. Uhm. How've you been?"

 

Virgil watches Logan's adam's apple bob as he swallows but he remains silent, still scratching at the cover of the textbook.

 

"Well. Uhm. I'm having a little hangout. With Pat and Ro. At my house. Uhm. It'll be at seven o'clock if you wanna come. Bring your PJs if you wanna sleep over." Virgil smiles. Waits. Finally, Logan nods. Virgil rises and practically sprints back to his normal table, pretending he's not being a coward when he sits down with a dull _thump_.

 

"We're having a sleepover," he reports to Roman and Patton's expectant gazes. "Seven o'clock. Come early. Please."

 

They wait.

 

"Logan might be there."

 

\---

 

_"What're you scared of?" Virgil asks, trailing his fingers under Logan's shirt and over his belly. It's past eleven in Virgil's room, way past the time Logan usually sleeps. But they're teenager-ing right now, you know, rebellion and all that. Staying up past eleven. Hoo rah, stick it to the grown-ups, and all that._

 

_"Not much," Logan replies._

 

_"Not what I asked," Virgil says quietly._

 

_"Failing," Logan says finally, after a long pause._

 

_"Failing what?"_

 

_"I don't know, Virgil," Logan says and he sounds a little bit annoyed. "I just do not particularly like failing."_

 

_Virgil nods._

 

_"I'm also afraid of my dad," Logan mumbles. “Sometimes.”_

 

_"Why's that?" Virgil asks._

 

_"He has such a bad temper… sometimes I fear that he will snap."_

 

_Virgil swallows. "That sucks." Because what else is there to say to that?_

 

_After a long moment, Logan asks, "What are you afraid of?"_

 

_Virgil shrugs. "Everything."_

 

_Logan laughs quietly. But it's not his usual laugh. It sounds forced._

 

_Like he knows what Virgil is saying is true- like it hurts to know that._

 

\---

 

Surprises of surprises, Logan shows up exactly on time, gripping a duffel bag in his hands. Thomas, the little shit, opens the door and his eyes widen like he's seen the face of God and immediately, Virgil yanks him out of the way.

 

"Thomas, help Logan with his bag, would you?"

 

Thomas obeys, taking the bag from Logan's hands. Logan watches Thomas like he's never seen him before.

 

"We're upstairs," Virgil says.

 

Logan follows him up the stairs to Virgil's room; in Virgil's room, Roman is singing along loudly to a YouTube video and Patton snuggles with Crofter in the corner of Virgil's room full of beanbag chairs. As soon as Patton spots Logan, he lets go of the cat and stands up with a huge smile.

 

"Logan!" he lunges forward and wraps him in a hug. Virgil glances at the startled expression on Logan's face then looks back down for Logan to pat Patton's back then draw away.

 

"Want some gummy worms, LoLo?" Roman asks teasingly, holding up a big bag of gummy worms. Logan slowly nods and reaches forward to grab one. He bumps the bag and it tumbles to the floor; Logan lets out a squeak and flinches, immediately dropping to his knees and picking the bag up along with the several spilled worms. His fingers are trembling.

 

"No harm no foul," Roman says reassuringly, dropping a steady hand to Logan's shoulder and helping pick them up. Patton and Virgil exchange a wary look. Virgil feels like he's dealing with a different version of Logan- a more fragile Logan who needs someone better than a worried ex-boyfriend, a dramatic and loud theatre kid, and a sensitive wannabe dad to help him out.

 

When the gummy bears are all picked up, they settle down to watch a movie on Virgil's laptop. Logan sits next to Virgil, practically shoved there by Patton but he looks terrified to be there. Like he's breaking some rule or at risk of failing his finals. Virgil doesn't like anyone looking that scared of him but what can he do about it?

 

Soon enough, Roman is snoring, sound asleep. Patton appears bored of the movie and has moved to colouring in Roman's sketchbook. Virgil turns to Logan and prays for courage.

 

"You doing okay?" he asks.

 

Logan nods, staring down at his nails.

 

"What happened, Logan?" he asks. "It wasn't me, was it? I didn't-" _make you this way? Hurt you that badly?_

 

Logan shakes his head.

 

"Why don't you talk anymore?" Patton pipes up quietly.

 

Logan's eyes fill with tears and Patton grips at his thigh patiently. Finally, Logan makes a gestures to his throat and then slices the air. He shrugs then wipes his eyes and terrifyingly, he looks normal again. Not like he was about to cry five seconds ago.

 

"Okay, okay," Virgil says quietly. "We'll let it go. For now."

 

It almost hurt to let it go. But it’ll have to do.

 

For now.

 

\---

 

_Virgil recalls breaking up with Logan kind of like he can recall when his dad left or Thomas' first day of kindergarten or when his mom got her job at the hospital. The details are kind of fuzzy but they're soaked in some foreign bittersweet emotion. When Virgil breaks up with Logan, he promises it's not Logan- he's just too scared, too immature, too not-ready for a relationship._

 

_Logan looks sad. Hurt. A little angry. But he understands. They don't try to be friends. They don't talk. But Virgil finds he still cares. Not in that romantic way he used to, but in that I-wish-we-would-try-to-be-friend's way and I still care about your life and what's going on with you. In an I-don't-want-you-hurt way._

 

_Then senior year happens and Logan goes silent; his running record is three months and two weeks without saying a word. It's starting to get on Virgil Sanders' nerves because he remembers, wedged up with his ex-boyfriend, trading secrets at the crack of dawn, that Logan can talk and Logan can talk a lot. Something's just happened between the start of summer and the beginning of senior year that's shut him up. And Virgil's gonna do all he can to figure out what that is. Virgil wishes he'd reached out right away, as soon as he got worried- as soon as he noticed something was wrong._

 

_But he, as usual, had been too scared._

 

\---

 

In the morning, Thomas sits on the couch with a large bowl of cereal and Cinderella playing on the TV. Remy sleeps soundly beside him.

 

"Looks like I'm not the only one who had a sleepover last night," Virgil says dryly.

 

Thomas looks up. "He just…" Thomas blushes. "We wanted to… we just didn't wanna stop hanging out last night. His mom's okay with it."

 

"Don't worry, bro, I don't care." He ruffles Thomas' hair then snatches his cereal bowl and starts eating from it.

 

Thomas frowns. "Why's Logan here?"

 

"He's my friend."

 

"Never acted like it before."

 

"You little shit," Virgil grumbles. "He's just… going through something right now and I wanna be his friend."

 

Thomas nods, snatching the bowl back and taking a thoughtful bite. "You sure you don't wanna just bone him?"

 

Virgil smacks him on the back of the head. "Shut your mouth or I'm telling mom about the condemns in your backpack."

 

Thomas' eyes widen. "You wouldn't."

 

"Test me," Virgil snaps. Then, he leans down and jostles Remy just enough for the boy to jerk awake with a snort. "Get ready for school or we're gonna be late."

 

\---

 

_The first day of senior year, Virgil watches Logan go through the day like a ghost of himself. To the untrained eye, he's just having a little bit of a rough day. But Virgil notices. He doesn't say a word in class. Even when they're discussing space in science class, or poetic techniques in literature, Logan is silent._

 

_It unsettles Virgil to his core._

 

\---

 

The next three weeks are spent with trying to get Logan back in Virgil’s world. Logan hangs out with them more often than not. He sits with them at lunch and smirks at Roman's foolishness, sometimes even laughing when Patton cracks a science pun. He hangs out with them on Friday nights at McDonalds and stays the night with both Roman and Virgil whenever they invite them.

 

He doesn't say a word. Not a single one.

 

They grow used to it.

 

But then- then _it_ happens in all its terrible glory when Logan and Patton and Roman and Virgil are all at Virgil's house and it's well past 2:00 am. Patton is sound asleep, curled on Roman's thigh. Virgil's leaning against the wall, Roman's sketching, and Logan is shaking for some unknown reason as it storms outside.

 

"Logan?" Virgil asks quietly. "You okay, bud?"

 

Logan nods. But his breathing is erratic and Virgil sits up, scooting closer to Logan.

 

"Hey. Hey. Breathe, Logan. It's okay, dude. It's okay."

 

His face is twisted in terror and tears slip from his eyes. Virgil wishes he could read minds and just figure out what's wrong with Logan so he can fix it. But Logan's this big knot of mystery and fear and sadness that Virgil cannot figure out.

 

"No," Logan hisses and his voice is hoarse and dry- out of practice. Virgil's eyes widen and he grabs at Logan's hands, squeezing them gently. Roman frowns at them but doesn't say anything as Logan swallows and gasps. "Virgil," he whispers.

 

"I'm here," Virgil says. "It's okay."

 

"No." Virgil frowns and Logan swallows again, more tears falling. Logan's hands grip Virgil tighter than ever then he lets go and bites down on his knuckles with a trembling mouth.

 

"Logan, don't do that," Roman says. Thunder rumbles through the air and Logan flinches once more.

 

Logan drops his fist from his mouth. "I want to die," he whispers.

 

"Why?" Virgil asks. He's so scared. So so so scared and he doesn't know what to do. Roman's sets aside his sketchbook and slides over to Logan, arm wrapping around him. Patton stirs from being moved and blinks around blearily.

 

"Last summer," Logan works out through his throat which apparently wants to keep everything locked inside his head, "last summer-"

 

"It's okay," Roman soothes. "You can tell us. It's okay."

 

"He told me not to."

 

Those words send a million terrible _terrible_ thoughts through Virgil's head. He's reeling so much he barely hears Logan talking again.

 

"I can't tell anyone, I can't-"

 

"You can tell us anything," Virgil chokes out. Patton is looking around confused but shuffles to take his place next to Logan. Logan's shaking so much Virgil's afraid he's going to fall apart.

 

“He did it, Virgil. He finally snapped.”

 

Virgil hates that he knows who _he_ is.

 

"He killed my mom," Logan wheezes out. "He killed my mom."

 

\---

 

It's a terrible, horrible, awful, no-good, disgusting, traumatizing scene that the police stumble into at Logan Foster's house. In the basement, tucked behind the water heater tank, Mrs. Foster's body is found, a single bullet hole through her forehead that's begun to rot. Apparently, in a blind fit of rage, Mr. Foster got home from a bad shift at work and lost his temper, fatally shooting Mrs. Foster right in front of Logan. Unwilling to get caught, he forced Logan to keep his mouth shut by threatening violence on his son.

 

And apparently, Logan was so thoroughly terrified that he'd accidentally say something that he shut up entirely.

 

It all comes crystal clear in a horrible way to Virgil. As Virgil holds Logan, as he calls 911, as the police roll up and Thomas sobs into Virgil's shirt because he's scared and Remy stares blankly from the couch, like he doesn't know what the hell he's walked into. As Virgil walks Logan outside, as the police find Mr. Foster- it all becomes clear. Logan's silence. His flinching. His constant nerves, like he's suddenly fragile and breakable like everyone else.

 

It all becomes clear and it hurts so bad; it's all out of Virgil's limit and he doesn't know what to do except hold Logan as he shakes and shakes and doesn't stop.

 

\---

 

The school wonders why the hell Virgil and Logan are attached at the hip all of a sudden. Rumour has it, they're sucking each other off again in the bathrooms because Virgil feels sorry for Logan that he's lost his mom and dad both, just in different ways. Others theorize that Logan was actually the one who killed his mom, hence the silence over the year and Virgil’s covering up for him.

 

It takes everything in Virgil not to start a fight with every kid who whispers as they pass.

 

Mr. Foster's trial takes longer than it should, way past graduation. Eventually though, he's got life without parole and Logan is short a mom and dad and you can see it in his eye that he entirely lost.

 

But here's the truth, without the rumours and drama of high school that feels all-too stupid now:

 

Virgil and Logan and Roman and Patton are all best friends because nothing like crying about your trauma to bring everyone close together. It doesn't matter that Virgil and Logan were once together; that shit doesn't _matter_ anymore. Some days, even weeks, Logan goes quiet all over again and you just have to be extra gentle with him in those days.

 

But before the complexities of adulthood can touch them, before they have to worry about graduation and all the terribleness of growing up- the four of them go to the telescopes and pretend, for just one more second that they're normal teenagers.

 

They stare at the stars and Logan tells them about the constellations and how to properly use the telescope. Roman insists he sees a dick in the stars, to which Patton continuously giggles about and Virgil rolls his eyes. Then they're all laying down and the stars twinkle down on them and Virgil can't help but feel so much that he feels nothing at all.

 

He rolls over to Logan.

 

"You know," he muses quietly, "I love you."

 

"I love you too," Logan says quietly.

 

Virgil kisses him; he doesn't know what it means but it feels good and he lets it feel good because Logan looks like it's feeling kinda good to him too.

 

And if there's anything in this world Virgil is sure of, it's that, after everything, Logan deserves to feel good.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this. All in one sitting. I am so so tired and exhausted. But Idk. I wanted to tell this story? Lowkey inspired by a Criminal Minds episode that was playing on the background of the TV as I wrote this.


End file.
